For your amusement - the following has been making the rounds of the
A Day in the Life of a Neo-Conservative
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with
water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because
some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.
With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily
medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie
liberal fought to insure that they are safe and work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his
employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their
employers for paid medical insurance — now Joe gets it, too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs.
Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws
to regulate the meat-packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.
His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the
total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know
what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside, and takes a deep breath.
The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal
fought for laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the
subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him
considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some
fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which
gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his workday. He has a good job with
excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays, and vacation
because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working
standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer
doesn't want his employees to call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed,
he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment checks because some stupid
liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary
Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so
he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC
because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from
unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great
Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his
below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided
that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and
earned more money over his lifetime.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father
this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the
drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some
America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third
generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration
because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.
The house didn't have electricity until some
big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired.
His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some
wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of
himself so Joe wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns
on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad
and conservatives are good.
He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have
fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day.
Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government
liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes
everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."