Lord knows I'm against negative campaigning. If I
thought I could run this race for supervisor in the 2nd District without
saying anything bad about my opponent, wellll, you can just bet I'd rush
right in there & pledge to do so.
But a man can't deny his nature. It's just not … not …
I know that despite my best wishes, my instincts will
surely overcome & I'll end up saying vile & cruel things about
Lieutenant Newsom. Oooops, I forgot, Gavin never fulfilled his military
obligation. Anyway, since I know I'm sure to revert to form & he's sure
to use some of that Getty-generated money to do what they call
“opposition research” on me, I thought I'd better put some spin out
there before the fact.
There's so much bad to find out about me. I guess the
sensible place to start is in the 2nd District. Folks will want to know
how I've behaved on their home turf. Actually, there is only one little
item. That would be the time I passed nuclear “secrets” to the Russians
at their consulate on Green street.
My life as a spy
I've always tried to devote my life to the most
important things in the world.
Back in the early 1980s, I deemed that to be nuclear
weapons. Their proliferation. Their control. Defending against them
My guru at the time was a Desoto cabbie named George
Roth. George knew more about nuclear weapons and strategy than anyone in
the world. But he couldn't type. So I spent literally years transcribing
It was fascinating. Took years to learn the basic
materials. Weapons systems. Delivery vehicles.
For instance, did you know that the most dangerous
weapon on earth is the Trident II submarine, armed with D-5 warheads &
guided by Navstar satellites? Those puppies have a cpm of 100 feet at a
distance of 7,000 miles. They're what are called silo busters. They're a
first-strike weapon and those are the worst kind. They threaten the
basis of the theory of MAD (mutually assured destruction) and make the
other side do crazy things. Add in their ecm (electronic
countermeasures) capabilities & ya got your basic doomsday scenario.
ECM by the way is the principle reason Bush's ABM system
is a joke. For 100 billion dollars (enough, incidentally, to house every
homeless person in America) you get a system that cannot hit a single
missile coming from a point you know, headed in a direction you know &
having absolutely no countermeasures. Think of shooting a rifle bullet
out of the air (2,000 mph) & increase the degree of difficulty by 10x
(warheads re-enter the atmosphere at 20,000 mph), then multiply that by
another 10,000 or so (when MIRV's deploy, they spray metal chads & emit
other goodies). Multiply that times 6,000 to stay current (it was much
worse when the FBI chased me) … you get an idea of the odds against
Millions to one. Literally.
So my old buddy George, he had me set down on paper what
the Russians could do in response to Trident II (this sub is actually
larger than many WWII aircraft carriers). They'd have to have shorter
boost phases in launch, go to higher state of alert … that sort of
thing. There was a list of half a dozen or more defensive measures which
he elucidated clearly.
I typed them up & we sent them to the president. That
would be Reagan.
We made a bunch of copies of the piece & in one day I
mailed them to major newspapers and Reagan … & I hand-delivered one to
the Russian Consulate on Green Street in San Francisco. What a scene.
In those days, the parking on Green Street was all
agents in cars with cameras. I walked. Went to the gate. They told me to
come back to their rear entry in two hours. I went to a library in the
Marina to wait.
Two people followed me. When I went to take a whiz, they
stole a letter I was writing to my mom (I had George's treatise with me
in my backpack).
I went back to the consulate. They ushered me through
the back gate & into a dark & heavily draped room that reminded me of
Herman's front room in the “Munsters.” They asked why I was giving them
nuclear secrets and what I wanted. I told them it wasn't secret, that
anyone who read Jane's Weekly, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists and 30
to 50 more publications a month could have put it together.
"You don't want anything?" the guy asked.
I left. … the feds were waiting.
A woman rushed up & asked if I'd sign her petition. I
A guy opened a car door & jumped in front of me & asked
if I had a light for his cigarette while another guy in the car took my
It was actually kind of cool. I thought I'd fuck with
them. I didn't want them following me home & wondered how to shake them.
I was running 100 plus miles a week back then and marathoning regularly.
I simply walked to the next corner & got on the 24 Divisadero that was
just pulling up. I sat in the back seat & waved to the pursuing Ford
with the chick with the clipboard & another guy in it. They pursued a
few blocks, then passed & started following from in front of us. They
knew the bus route.
I relaxed, rode that sucker all the way across Market,
through the Castro & to the top of the hill above Noe Valley, then
tightened the straps on my backpack, jumped off the bus & took off at my
best 5 minute mile clip.
The chick with the clipboard now had a walkie talkie and
was yapping into it. The guy driving her was just standing by their car.
I waved and ran.
It was a real rush. Zig-zagging through busy streets.
Down dead ends they couldn't go but where I could. Back across the
crowded Castro. Down Market & back into the Mission. Back across Market
& into the Western Addition. I ran for over an hour, then came up
through Chinatown & came into my crib through the back gate. No way
they'd have been able to follow. I was smug.
Two months later I got a large envelope with no return
address. Inside was an English version of Pravda. They'd printed the key
excerpts from our piece. The Russians used it to argue their position at
the next START (Strategic Arms Reduction Talks).
I've always thought that was probably the most important
work I ever did … my work as a Russian spy.
Later in the campaign, I'll tell you about my early
years as an American spy. There's always been a bit of the double agent
remember - d2 in 02: