“Survivor”
for politicians (part 2)
In last week’s segment we followed our
supervisors and the mayor through the first 4 1/2 weeks of
their fictional contest to win a term as mayor by surviving a
peculiarly San Francisco version of the hit TV series. When we
left, Newsom, the mayor, Hall & Yee had gotten the boot
from their fellow pols. Challenge 5 (“Best looking in drag”)
was underway.
Challenge 5
The idea is to go to a straight bar dressed
as a member of the opposite sex … AND … to get a “date”
with some unsuspecting patron.
Ammiano in a walk. The combination of the
aquiline nose & high cheekbones, along with the slender
neck and arching brows, was irresistible. Mark Leno’s “Bat
Woman” was completely believable but Daly, Gonzalez &
Sandoval’s version of the “Gabor sisters” was a wash.
Peskin shaved his beard to get in character as “Maggie”
from “Cat on a hot tin roof” and went missing for three
days on the back of a Harley.
The tribal vote: Fly away, “Bat Woman”!
Voting for the last time upon purely ideological grounds, Mark
Leno packs his tent. From now on, all members voted off will
return to pick a winner from the two finalists.
Challenge 6: Talking your way out of a parking ticket
Another week’s immunity for Jake
McGoldrick, who got away clean when the meter maid went to
sleep during his consideration of the question: “What is a
car … really?” Most of the supes tried flashing their
little badges (they REALLY do get issued badges!) and if you
turn your ear just right you can still hear the DPT laughter
in the wind.
The tribal vote: Everyone realizes that
everyone tossed out from now on will vote on the last two
remaining survivors. You don’t want the next five you vote
off to have a grudge against you. But … you have to balance
that against letting someone who can beat you in a one-on-one
survive-to-the-final-vote. Everyone looks at each other. It’s
easy. Gonzalez and Maxwell are tired of the nonsense and vote
to throw themselves off. Ammiano, Peskin & Daly give
McGoldrick his pink slip.
Challenge 7: On least number of “enemies” lists
Sophie Maxwell wins easily. Ammiano, Daly,
& Gonzalez are all hated by the mayor, which will insure
that they will never, really … “walk alone.” Together
they have more taps than Bojangles. Sandoval got thrown out of
the St. Francis Yacht Club and better never try to get into
the Bohemian Club. Warren Hinckle has smeared Peskin (kudos,
Aaron!) However: Immunity to Maxwell.
The tribal vote: Maxwell votes for herself
again, as does Gonzalez. Everyone else agrees and votes for
Gonzalez. No one wants to face him in the final run-off. The
list dwindles.
Challenge 8: Last one picked in gym class
Immunity to Sandoval. Try to imagine him
anchoring a relay race. Contestants went unrecognized when
mixed into a variety of gym classes where teams were being
chosen for: basketball, volleyball, track, and dodge ball.
The tribal vote: Maxwell votes against
herself. Everyone else votes against her, too. None of them
could possibly defeat her if they had to face her in the final
council.
Challenge 9: Best at being homeless
Immunity to Daly. In nine weeks of camping
in U.N. Plaza, it is obvious Daly knows the folks and the
ropes. The next mayor needs to know what it’s like being on
or near the streets.
The tribal vote: Daly votes to toss Peskin.
Peskin and Ammiano wave goodbye to Sandoval, fearing his
Latino appeal in the final vote.
Challenge 10 (final): Biggest obfuscator
Easy immunity to Aaron Peskin for flowing
endorsements of both sides of any debate: he is often able to
leave viewers completely unclear as what he even voted for or
why.
The tribal vote: Peskin returns Daly’s
negative vote from the previous council and Daly is forced to
vote against Ammiano who joins Peskin to move Daly into the
jury panel. It finishes like this …
The Jury
Daly, Sandoval, Maxwell, Gonzalez &
McGoldrick decide between Ammiano & Peskin, thus choosing
the next mayor. It is a no brainer.
Ammiano wins 5-0.
However , …
The swearing-in ceremony for “Mayor”
Ammiano is interrupted by a squad of Federal Marshals sent by
the U.S. Supreme Court, which has upheld former mayor Willie
Brown’s claim that the office of San Francisco mayor should
be his for life and should be hereditary. New chief justice
Clarence Thomas wrote the decision. Mayor Brown returns to
office without incidence.
Ooooh: sobone@juno.com
h. brown
