About Us

Contact Us

VOLUME 2, NUMBER 25   <>  MONDAY, JUNE 25, 2001

Watching City Hall

by h. brown

“Survivor” for politicians (part 2)

In last week’s segment we followed our supervisors and the mayor through the first 4 1/2 weeks of their fictional contest to win a term as mayor by surviving a peculiarly San Francisco version of the hit TV series. When we left, Newsom, the mayor, Hall & Yee had gotten the boot from their fellow pols. Challenge 5 (“Best looking in drag”) was underway.

Challenge 5

The idea is to go to a straight bar dressed as a member of the opposite sex … AND … to get a “date” with some unsuspecting patron.

Ammiano in a walk. The combination of the aquiline nose & high cheekbones, along with the slender neck and arching brows, was irresistible. Mark Leno’s “Bat Woman” was completely believable but Daly, Gonzalez & Sandoval’s version of the “Gabor sisters” was a wash. Peskin shaved his beard to get in character as “Maggie” from “Cat on a hot tin roof” and went missing for three days on the back of a Harley.

The tribal vote: Fly away, “Bat Woman”! Voting for the last time upon purely ideological grounds, Mark Leno packs his tent. From now on, all members voted off will return to pick a winner from the two finalists.

Challenge 6: Talking your way out of a parking ticket

Another week’s immunity for Jake McGoldrick, who got away clean when the meter maid went to sleep during his consideration of the question: “What is a car … really?” Most of the supes tried flashing their little badges (they REALLY do get issued badges!) and if you turn your ear just right you can still hear the DPT laughter in the wind.

The tribal vote: Everyone realizes that everyone tossed out from now on will vote on the last two remaining survivors. You don’t want the next five you vote off to have a grudge against you. But … you have to balance that against letting someone who can beat you in a one-on-one survive-to-the-final-vote. Everyone looks at each other. It’s easy. Gonzalez and Maxwell are tired of the nonsense and vote to throw themselves off. Ammiano, Peskin & Daly give McGoldrick his pink slip.

Challenge 7: On least number of “enemies” lists

Sophie Maxwell wins easily. Ammiano, Daly, & Gonzalez are all hated by the mayor, which will insure that they will never, really … “walk alone.” Together they have more taps than Bojangles. Sandoval got thrown out of the St. Francis Yacht Club and better never try to get into the Bohemian Club. Warren Hinckle has smeared Peskin (kudos, Aaron!) However: Immunity to Maxwell.

The tribal vote: Maxwell votes for herself again, as does Gonzalez. Everyone else agrees and votes for Gonzalez. No one wants to face him in the final run-off. The list dwindles.

Challenge 8: Last one picked in gym class

Immunity to Sandoval. Try to imagine him anchoring a relay race. Contestants went unrecognized when mixed into a variety of gym classes where teams were being chosen for: basketball, volleyball, track, and dodge ball.

The tribal vote: Maxwell votes against herself. Everyone else votes against her, too. None of them could possibly defeat her if they had to face her in the final council.

Challenge 9: Best at being homeless

Immunity to Daly. In nine weeks of camping in U.N. Plaza, it is obvious Daly knows the folks and the ropes. The next mayor needs to know what it’s like being on or near the streets.

The tribal vote: Daly votes to toss Peskin. Peskin and Ammiano wave goodbye to Sandoval, fearing his Latino appeal in the final vote.

Challenge 10 (final): Biggest obfuscator

Easy immunity to Aaron Peskin for flowing endorsements of both sides of any debate: he is often able to leave viewers completely unclear as what he even voted for or why.

The tribal vote: Peskin returns Daly’s negative vote from the previous council and Daly is forced to vote against Ammiano who joins Peskin to move Daly into the jury panel. It finishes like this …

The Jury

Daly, Sandoval, Maxwell, Gonzalez & McGoldrick decide between Ammiano & Peskin, thus choosing the next mayor. It is a no brainer.

Ammiano wins 5-0.

However , …

The swearing-in ceremony for “Mayor” Ammiano is interrupted by a squad of Federal Marshals sent by the U.S. Supreme Court, which has upheld former mayor Willie Brown’s claim that the office of San Francisco mayor should be his for life and should be hereditary. New chief justice Clarence Thomas wrote the decision. Mayor Brown returns to office without incidence.

Ooooh: sobone@juno.com

h. brown