Sometimes the Board of Supervisor meetings can be
real sexy. When the rhetoric gets intense and beautiful people get
angry. When the sheriff’s deputies start flexing neck and shoulder
muscles in preparation for action. When half of the crowd hates the
other half of the crowd. When some people have had too much to drink
and others not enough. When influence peddlers hug and kiss
bureaucrats like in the back row of a movie house.
It’s pretty cool sometimes, and I highly
recommend you bring a friend. They’ll be impressed first by how
small and cozy the chambers are. And how beautiful. It’s the
classiest place in town without a cover charge.
Last meeting I went with two beauties. A tall
blonde and a petite brunette. I sat in the back row against the wall
with one on either side. It was good for my image. Next week I’m
thinking of adding a redhead. I’m going for the aging pimp look.
I got some interest already. I noticed a pretty
little TV reporter sneaking peeks my way Monday. She finally got up
enough nerve to talk to me an hour or so into the meeting. Tony “Dino”
(for dinosaur) Hall, looking very Fabian-esque in a shiny sharkskin
sports jacket, was explaining to the world why he wasn’t in favor
of discriminating against all gays … just the trans-gender
variety. It kind of reminded me of Leland Yee trying to explain why
he was the only one voting against old people a few weeks ago.
Anyway, the cute young thing worked her way back
to where we were sitting. She leaned over the seat provocatively to
ask the question that had been on her mind since she first saw me.
My heart stood still as she spoke: “Are you a transsexual?” she
Clearly, my new look needs more work.
Speaking of new looks, how about the one Dr.
Phillip Paris, the acting (that’s for sure) head of the Department
of Elections. He’s gotten a deep tan and has his hair shaved
almost to the skull. Last Monday he was wearing a very dark suit,
with a deep blue shirt and a maroon tie. He topped the outfit with a
pair of those very dark little wire-rimmed glasses. For arm candy he
had a gorgeous red-headed loaner from the city attorney’s office.
My blonde friend commented on his scene. “He looks like a bail
bondsman,” she said.
Alexander Clemens (he hosts “The Usual Suspects,”
a great online political site) hurried over to give the red-head (Christiane
Hayashi) a big old smooch and sat beside her. “Is that his
girlfriend?” the blonde asked. “Naw,” I replied. “He’s in
public relations and they kiss everyone.” Almost everyone that is.
… Thank God.
Alex made his way back to meet the blonde (I
almost ran over him with her car a few weeks ago — he was doing a
sidewalk-café thing very well & I was doing my parking-Deby’s-BMW
thing not too well) and he brought us a press release from one of
his clients (Nordstrom’s) announcing the store’s withdrawal from
the business tax lawsuit. As of this column’s deadline, only Macy’s
had refused to accept the city’s surrender and was holding out for
more. Hopefully, those of you with enough cash or plastic to shop at
these places will choose Nordstrom’s until Macy’s brass grow
brains. Thank goodness Goodwill & Salvation Army didn’t join
the lawsuit or I wouldn’t have anywhere to shop.
Repeat after me … down with Macy’s!!!
Meanwhile, that Aaron (“Lord”) Peskin did it
again. What a kidder. When you listen to this guy and he starts out
sounding real good? Hold your applause until he finishes because you’ll
often be wanting to take it back.
Take last Wednesday in the Finance Committee. What
a show!! In one corner is Peskin and in the other corner: Eula
Walters! Eula sits in the back row with me and the blonde and the
brunette. She relaxes with her shoes off and doesn’t bother no
one. She’s not Supervisor Peskin’s biggest supporter.
The issue was “Ferry” (actually, unnamed, but
should be “Bierman”) Park. Eula says she gave the idea to save
the park to then-supervisor Bierman over a decade ago. Good for her.
I had coffee with Aaron a few weeks ago, then
wrote a column saying the most disappointing thing I heard from him
was that DPW had attacked Ferry Park & cut down seventeen
full-grown trees in preparation for pouring the concrete for a
needless new street demanded by Rose Pak through her attorney, Sue
Hestor (??). Screw the old folks who live around the park and the
thousands of brown-bagging downtown workers who use it. I said in my
column that former supe Sue Bierman would have chained herself to
the first bulldozer into the park and I just couldn’t see Peskin
fighting against Chinatown that way just because it was the right
thing to do.
Peskin saw the light. The next board meeting he
introduced legislation to transfer the park (finally) to Rec &
Park and out of DPW’s grasp. Good thing, huh? Then, being Lord
Peskin, he went around and let the devil in the back door.
By Wednesday’s Finance Committee meeting Peskin
had modified his plan. After inviting Bierman so he could recognize
her work in defending the space for a decade, he said he was gonna
let DPW keep control of a couple of good-sized swaths on two edges
of the park for another five years. He said that was Sue’s idea!
Then he said he wanted to keep open the possibility of tearing up
another huge section of the park to install a totally unneeded,
polluting, nasty underground garage. I understand they’re gonna
call it “The Aaron Peskin Nasty Useless Underground Garage.” Not
only will the members of Bierman’s gray fox brigade fight such
garbage; they began almost as soon as Lord Peskin finished speaking.
“First, I want to thank the earthquake,” began
the first speaker, noting that the earthquake made the park possible
by knocking down the freeway-to-nowhere. “At the order of the
mayor, seventeen mature trees were cut down. … You should send him
a letter of reprimand IN YOUR NAMES for this act!”
Peskin rose from his seat (just shifting or was it
getting hot?) as this guy finished speaking.
Then along came Eula: “It was Supervisor Peskin
who gave Davis Street to Chinatown … NOT Mayor Brown!” she
began. By the time she finished, Lord Peskin & Count Leno were
calling for sheriff’s deputies to haul her out of their sight.
I think Eula and I are related somewhere.
Complain to h.