Ed Sullivan solves the world's problems
Welcome, welcome, ladies and gentlemen. We have a REALLY big
SHOOOOOOOO tonight. First, I’d like to introduce a few people in the
audience. We are honored to have here the wife of Brigadier General
Something-Or-Other. Yes, yes, give her some applause. She dropped by
before the shew to share some really good Schnapps with me. Yeas, yes.
And over there is the guy who lives in the theater basement who let me
share his crack pipe. Some applause. Yes.
On our stage tonight we have a man who draws puppet faces on his body
and makes them talk. Yes. He’ll draw a face right on his ass, then make
it smile. Yes. You won’t believe your eyes when he smokes.
We’ve a rap group rapping on unicycles, spinning presidential plates.
Lawrence Welk will do his imitations of Francisco Franco.
The Flying bin Ladens will perform.
But first, I am honored to present the inaugural television
presentation of the WWF God Smackdown! The God and Allah tag team go up
against Buddha and coyote. Jesus flips over the ropes, but Marx jams Him
into a head lock, while the Virgin Mary swings a chair over the red's
head. Elvis officiates, but is slammed down by the Darwin/Freud team.
It’s all dope, none of it’s whack.
On our stage.
Hector Q. Mooney